" I'm telling 'em, keep your pants on." | Download | Play.Most likely you've forgotten it's even there, but if it starts vibrating and beeping during this next test, let us know, because that means it's about to hit five hundred degrees, so we're gonna need to go ahead and get that out of you pretty fast." | Download | Play " Now, if you're part of Control Group Kepler-Seven, we implanted a tiny microchip about the size of a postcard into your skull.Visualizing the scenario while under stress actually triggers the reaction." | Download | Play Anyway, don't stress yourself thinking about it. There's a slight chance the calcium could harden and vitrify your frontal lobe. " Just a heads-up: That coffee we gave you earlier had fluorescent calcium in it so we can track the neuronal activity in your brain." Bean counters said I couldn't fire a man just for being in a wheelchair.You make up your own rules, just like me." | Download | Play I punch those numbers into my calculator, it makes a happy face." | Download | Play Worst case scenario, you miss out on a few rounds of canasta, plus you forwarded the cause of science by three centuries. " Good news is, the lab boys say the symptoms of asbestos poisoning show a median latency of forty-four point six years, so if you're thirty or older, you're laughing.Let us know if you feel a shortness of breath, a persistent dry cough or your heart stopping. " All these science spheres are made of asbestos, by the way." We haven't entirely nailed down what element it is yet, but I'll tell you this: it's a lively one, and it does NOT like the human skeleton." | Download | Play." Oh, in case you got covered in that repulsion gel, here's some advice the lab boys gave me: DO NOT get covered in the repulsion gel." | Download | Play.If you sat on a folding chair in the lobby and weren't wearing lead underpants, we took care of that too." | Download | Play " Now, maybe you don't have any tumors.In layman's terms, that's a billion little gizmos that are gonna travel into your bloodstream and pump experimental genes and RNA molecules and so forth into your tumors." | Download | Play " For this next test, we put nanoparticles in the gel.I pay the bills here, I can talk about the control group all damn day." | Download | Play That gave me an idea: make more pre-recorded messages. They're telling me I oughtta stop making these pre-recorded messages. " The lab boys just informed me that I should not have mentioned the control group.All joking aside, that did happen - broke every bone in his legs. " You're not part of the control group, by the way.This first test involves something the lab boys call 'repulsion gel.'" | Download | Play At Aperture, we do all our science from scratch. " They say great science is built on the shoulders of giants.You'll know when the test starts." | Download | Play Pick up a rifle and follow the yellow line. Good news is we've got a much better test for you: fighting an army of mantis men.
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